The worst dates are often the result of the fix-up. Why do we fix people up? Because YOU think they'll have a good time? Who the hell are you? It's a little power trip isn't it? You're playing God.

Of course God was the first person to fix people up. Fixed up Adam and Eve, you know. I'm sure he said to Adam, "No, she's nice, she's very free about her body, doesn't really wear much. She was going out with a snake --I think that's over though."

To me, the fix-up just doesn't work. You cannot fix people up. It doesn't work because nobody wants to think that they need to be fixed up. You cannot get that out of your mind; it affects your atitude when you meet the person that you're fixed up with. You go, "Well, I guess everybody thinks I should be with you."

I was fixed up one time. Couldn't deal with it. The whole time we were out, I could feel the puppet strings of the fixer-uppers on me. I couldn't even operate my body. I go to put my arm around her....
--SLAP--
"Sorry, I can't control my arms. This whole evening wasn't my idea. I'm just a puppet."

I mean, what would the world be like if people said whatever they were thinking, all the time, whenever it came to them? How long would the fix-up last? About thirteen seconds, I think. "Oh sorry, your rear end is too big." "That's ok, your breath stinks anyways. See you later." "No problem." "Goodbye." "Okay." "Thank you very much."