Thursday, October 14, 2004

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by" -Frost


I've never had a plan. Not a really soild one, anyways. I'm not someone who knew as soon as I got to college what I wanted to do when I left it. But damnit, I've always had some clue as to what was supposed to come next. I always knew what I thought would happen.
This isn't it.

I've never believed in signs. Never believed that I was so forunate that GOD would take a personal interest in my daily life. I always believed that things happened randomly; or at least if they were determined, that that determination had nothing to do with me. But I can't shake the idea that there is too much for coincidence here; too much happened that had to happen... and when... and I don't even believe in that bullshit.
....
........

To be perfectly honest, I'm scared out of my mind. I had some sort of idea as to what would come next and now I seem to be being beconned... drawn in the other direction. And I love every second of it; wouldn't trade any of it; but this isn't when this was supposed to happen... And I don't know what comes next anymore. I don't know where I'm supposed to go.

But to answer your question, Matt, YES. A key does feel at home in the lock its meant for. It is comforted by a feeling of rightness when its pins close in around it. It does know itself only when the lock turns....completed. (Don Juan's Journal)

For the first time in my life I have a feeling of fate. A feeling of something that I was, for lack of a better word, meant for. And as bewildered and apprehensive as I am, I would be a fool to fight the pins from closing around me. I am being led, blindfolded, by the arms of the wind. With the gentle but firm hand of fortune on my shoulder are my steps premeditated before me. Perhaps this is the road less traveled by of which the poet spoke. It isn't that everyone else is going the other way, merely that everything else says I should. And yet I cannot, will not... and even as I begin down this path I no longer want to take the other road.

I curse Jerry McGuire for making a cliche out of the term...
but this completes me.