People will tell you that you never know exactly what you have until you lose it. This is not entirely true. There are times when you have something, and you know for that one second exactly how precious it is. It is like trying to grasp a concept that eludes you. You can think about it for hours, and then for one quick second, you understand. And then the understanding goes away.
Then there are the times where you don't have it anymore, but you still don't miss it. Loss is not chronic pain. Loss can be easy. There is that first second of disbelief. You find out and your first reaction is one of denial. "No." That's it. And you almost just go through the motions of saddness. And then it builds for about five minutes. It's a situation where you want to be alone and you want to be with friends. And after about five minutes, you begin to rationalize again and you regain control. The mind has an incredible power to lie to itself and hide from itself. So you push whatever you feel out and do the most practical of things. People will ask if you're alright, and you will answer yes. Grief for loss comes when you aren't fighting it. Everything becomes normal again and the most innocent thoughts are like daggers, because your back is turned to them. "Cool! I'll tell him that when I get home!" And like a mirror, things shatter. The very next thought is "No, I can't." The subtle things remind you of what things were like. All the e-mails and slogans floating around telling you to tell the people that you love that you love them one more time. All crap. They know that you love them, and you know that they love you. It doesn't hurt that you didn't get to say it one more time. It hurts because you want to say it now.
You never really recover from loss. There will always be more things to say. I guess the best way to cope is to remember aloud. "He would've like this." Funny, I've never really noticed that until now. Mom has been doing that for the past three years. Find someone who will remeber with you and say it. There is a strangeness that comes with peace. You all of a sudden stop and think..... yes.