"The night has fallen, I'm lyin' awake
I can feel myself fading away"

What gives the night such awesome power? In most of western literature, the night is synonymous with fear, sin, death. It also has the other side. Night is calm, boundless, romantic. Night is a time of ends, nothing of middle. In the Phantom of the Opera nightime "sharpens, heightens each sensation." I think that the power of night is one of solitude.

During the day things are warm. The sun is out, and thus so are people. Everything looks and sounds and if it is alive and you have to look to even find peace. It is difficult to be alone during the day, even when you want to be. The sun makes even your own room feel permeated with life. And the heat of the air carries with it a sense of movement, of activity and purpose. The sounds of constant traffic and of people walking and talking. Even sitting by yourself you still feel part of it and when you actually go out..... you are a part of it.

Night is different.

During the night the sky is black. There is, on occasion, the pale figure of the moon, but that is nothing but a mockery of the sun. The sun and blue sky of the day create an illusion of a roof. There looks to be a limit to where our world ends. But in the night and her blackness, all of infinite can be viewed. And the stars only serve to give the first glimpse of what infinite is. The air at night is chilled and thin. The wind dances around as if free of the heavy day-time stench. And the light stepping feet of the wind carry little sound of the world. So another connection to the world is lost.
Night, therefore, becomes the world of imagination. You can see forever in the sky, and so you may create what you will of it. In more ways than one, this is the time of dreams. Because in the night, you are alone. Not exactly by yourself, but removed from the world. If you are with a date, then the night sweeps you away from the prying eyes of others and gives you privacy. If you are with friends then the night can take you from the cares and toils of the day and just let you enjoy the company. And if you are, in fact, by yourself, then the night leaves you with your imagination to play and explore.

This can be what is scary about the night. For people who fear their subconscience, the lonliness of the night consumes them. They are terrified of what dreams may come out; of what nightmares. If what is on your mind is troubles, then the night's breath leaves you with only them, and no one to help cope. According to the Shawshank Redemption, "nothing but all the time in the world to think about it."

Funny. When I was listening to Springsteen's "Streets of Philadelphia", where I got the opening quote, all I could think of was this darker aspect of Night. Maybe if I listen to it again with a view from imagionation's hill...


"Let the dream begin,
Let your darker side give in
To the power of the Music that I write.
The power of the Music of the Night."

Say I, Say I
Am running out of time, now I'm running out of reasons.
Say I, Say I
Gave it all away for an empty disillusion
I said I was losing sleep spending all of my time
Chasing all of these dreams -The October Question, "Say I"

Check these guys out if you haven't before, The October Question. A good up and coming Athens band.

One of the things I really like about them is their song writing. None of them are bad musicians, but they aren't masters of their instruments either. But they write really good stuff. The lyrics are artistic, sometimes almost too much so. And the songs have a good balance of a strong melody with pleanty of subtle harmony, both vocal and instrumental.
This is one of the things missing in much of popular music. Three chords, maybe a good hook if they're lucky, and some general lyrics. These are the ingredients of a quick Pop Song. There is nothing wrong with songs of this sort in particular, but when all a band has is a series of pop songs, then they aren't really musicians. In my opinion, it takes three things to make a good band. One, something that catches the public eye; pop songs fit in great here. Two, a good stage-presence; without that you lose your audience and no one wants to see you. And Three, you need to have the music to back it up once people have your attention. A three minute diddy is nice, but after a while your fans are going to want something that isn't quite so flimsy.

Women have powers far beyond that of mortal men. "They can possess a man's mind so, that he would be willing to die for them." I give my roommate major credit.

Every guy, whether he admits it to others or not, has his one girl. The one he uses as a yard stick and measures every other against. I've talked about this before; about "Beatrice". Ryan was just a bad ass and took the next step. I find it impossible to say without coming off as condescending, but I'm proud of him. He not only found her, and befriended her, but took the chance and won.

And all of a sudden I feel an array of things. First and foremost, I am happy for him. And also for her. Both deserve each other, and I've never seen him this happy. But I would be remiss if I didn't mention the less admiral emotions as well. A bit of jealousy, a bit of envy. Things I had thought to be synonymous before. I am jealous of my roommate, as silly as it sounds. Sort of a prior claim. "He was mine first." I am envyous of them. Something about the pure happiness that wants both to be seen and left alone. Watching the dance, I almost want to cut in. And then I guess there's a little bit of self-pity. None of these three are enough to be relevent, but they're still there.

It's a little strange. There are so many girls around campus. I'd almost become desensitized to it. Every day, everywhere I turn. I'd gotten use to being happily single because no one close around was anything else. I don't so much want anybody, as I want that particular somebody. I've just got to figure out where she is.

Not someone to date, nor to kiss, nor to hold. Just to laugh with as often as I'd like. I want to dance...

You never forget. Some things, some people, you never forget. In the last two days I have talked to two of my oldest friends. Both of whom I have known for 15+ years. This is a long time when you're only twenty. And neither of them are the type that I talk to every day. But you never forget. Old jokes come up, old ways of talking. Common interests and new ideas. You don't have to grow apart from people, sometimes you will, but it is almost never difficult to take a step back every month or two and keep in touch.
Anywho, talking tonight I was reminded of a quote.
"God is devious, but not malicious." -Einstein

Another one of those people who was so incredibly smart that it hurts. Witty along with logical and a mathatical titan. I kind of like the way this one feels. It really doesn't say all of that much, but each adjective has a distinct conatation. Devious implies that God is vast and powerful, and more than anything else, cunning. And with that kind of a description usually comes the idea of mischief. But here he amends and says that God is not an any way malicious. That though we may not understand a web of complexities so think that it seems aimless, there is no malice in it. No ill intent. Comforting, if you buy into both God and Einstein. The problem is that the people at either end see them as opposites.

The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad. I speak now, of course, in the supposition that the gentle reader has not been abroad, and therefore is not already a consummate ass. If the case be otherwise, I beg his pardon and extend to him the cordial hand of fellowship and call him brother.
- Mark Twain, Innocents Abroad

The danger of a good philosophical arguement is that it sounds right. Doesn't matter if it makes any kind of validy point or not, it sounds right. And something like that can be daunting. The people out there who win arguments of this nature are just the ones who make every possibility other than theirs seem absurd. The drummer for the October Question will question you and pick at every little detail that you do asking why. When you're on the spot like that any answer you give seems silly or wrong. But in all honesty, the best retort when someone tells you that what you said isn't much of an answer, is to tell them that it wasn't much of a question.

It is folly to believe every thing that the wise philosopher says just because they convince you. It is logically possible to prove pretty much of anything, but that doesn't make it right. Descartes asserted that perhaps nothing exists, that we live in a dream state and all that we think is reality is just fiction. Plato would probobly retort that the world does exist, but just isn't as important as theory. And modern philosophers will argue back and forth for days about which is more noble, or more true, or more perfect. All Crap. In point of fact, it does not matter if this world is real or a figment of my imagination. I don't care if I'm living in the Matrix. The same holds for every theory out there. If it's true, great, if it isn't, great. It is so easy to be daunted by logical or philsophical evidence. But in the end, if this world isn't real then I can never know that it isn't real. I might as well enjoy what is in front of me and all around me.

Philosophy and Religion and Science are all fun to dabble in and come up with some wild theorys, but as for my life..... Fuck them.

I have climbed highest mountain
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you

I have run
I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
Only to be with you

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire

I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I believe in the kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
Well yes I'm still running

You broke the bonds and you
Loosed the chains
Carried the cross
Of my shame
You know I believed it

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for...

-U2, Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

This song is so incredibly perfect, whether you take it as romantic or religious. The music feels, well, free; and the lyrics speak for themselves. I can just see Bono walking down the street with all of these incredible things going on around him. That's kind of how I feel today. I woke up and the world seemed open. I actually started thinking about everything that I've done, especially in the last couple of years. It's a lot, and pretty amazing stuff, some of it. But somehow, in the last week, I've felt restrained. Somehow melancholy about.... things, I guess. Depression is one of the most contagious things in a person. As soon as you start feeling depressed about one area of life, the rest somehow catches it. But that doesn't even matter. Because today I feel revived. I walked to class this morning and felt the wind whipping at my face. I opened my arms and enjoyed the stinging sensation. This is a great year of a great time in my life. I have climbed highest mountains, I have run through the fields.... but I still haven't found what I'm looking for.