And if you go chasing rabbits, and you know you're going to fall,
Tell them a hooka smoking caterpiller has given you the call.
-Jefferson Airplane

So strange, so terrifying. Bizzare. Climbing the car like a mountain.... Swans marching..... Marbles rolling out of trees..... Fearful of Phish..... Becomeing the Angel of Music.....

I feel like I was sitting in the song "Comfortably Numb" for hours last night. Something that wasn't blacking out, but wasn't consciousness either. I remember.... most of it. But I wasn't in control. I was spectating through my eyes, and the world was a kalidescope. That time again, once again, I'm bouncing 'round the room. The echo of whomever spoke.
Not really seeing things, but definently percieving something.

I'll see you on the dark side of the moon.

I may have just figured religion out. At least for me. I can't tell you anything for you.... but for me, there lies an answer.

Ever since I changed my major to Religion, I've been terrified. I know so many people who have, are at least seem to have, perfect faiths. They believe every word of the Bible and have no trouble believing in God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit.... you name it. I have so many questions. Ever since I was ten, about the time I was baptized, funny enough, I've had questions. It's almost as if I came up out of the water and my blind faith was washed away, not my sins. There are too many contradictions in the Bible. Too many things unanswered, or too many answers that defy logic and science.

I have been terrified that my faith wasn't good enough. That my doubts made me unfit. I felt that I would be living a lie. But that wasn't what bothered me the most about my major.

There is a stigma that comes with majoring in Religion, particualary with following up and going into the ministry. I noticed this vividly this year: People would ask me what I was doing over the summer. "Working at a Church as a Youth Minister." Then these people would look semi-surprised, and congratulate me. And promptly turn around and tell everyone else there that they were having a party that night. Ministers are supposed to be the leaders of the Church. And if the church is supposed to be pure and holy, then the minister had better damn well be sinless. Perfect.
But I'm not perfect. I drink, swear, and jay-walk. Not chronically, but I have no real motivation to stop either. And it's bothered me for some time. I'm not perfect, but even more, I don't want to be perfect. And maybe I've just realized that I don't have to be.

I noticed it just this week, and only realized what I had seen a few hours ago. I have friends who ARE close to perfect. They don't have drink, or party all that often, or even exceed the speed limit. But a few people who are like this, could also walk by a starving man and not give him change. They don't offer help to others. Sometimes not even to friends. I have other friends who are far from perfection. Friends who are alcoholic, or pot-heads, or even both. But some of these friends have the biggest hearts I have ever seen. They shame me with their compassion. They'll help anyone who might need it. Stay up for hours because a friend had a bad day. Come bail someone out of jail and never once judge them.

Who is more Christian?

There are a lot of rules in Judism, and most of the sort of find their way into Christian doctorine. The Ten Commandments, etc. But in reality, the only two things that Jesus told us to do are to "Love the Lord your God with all of your heart and all of your mind and all of your soul and all of your strength," and to "Love your neighbor as yourself." Now you could infer from the first one that you shouldn't sin because that isn't loving God, but I don't think that that's the point.

No one has been perfect since Christ died two thousand years ago. And God doesn't really expect us to be. All we have to do is to do the best we can, be sorry when we slip up, and help each other as much as we can along the way.