You'll have to forgive me if I wax political for a moment. I'm normally not a very politically inclined person, which is to say that I have convictions but am not confindent enough to back most of them up. I see politics as something necessary and universal. Something that I should either become good at or give up trying to function in society. But I dislike the aftertaste that comes with the connotation of politics in modern society.

I'm mad about the current status of the US's War on Terror. A quote from Dick Cheney, "The prospect of another attack against the United States [is] just as real...as it was on September 12. [It's] not a matter of if, but when." Newsweek, which is normally a great magazine, one of the best, ran an update on this topic this week. The problem is with the government's attitude. Apparently George knew some months before September 11th, 2002 that there was the possibility of a terrorist attack on America. And he didn't take enough precautions to prevent two planes from crashing into the World Trade Towers. Now, I cordially dislike W. in most ways, but I don't see that he did anything wrong here. "The possibility of a terrorist attack on America"?!!! No shit! I would like to know one time in our history, particularly since the end of World War I, when there wasn't some idiot, idiot group, or idiot nation who didn't hate the US of A enough to attack us.

Cheney thinks that the possibility of another attack is as real as it was on Sept. 12? Probably. But that's the same probability that it was on December 8, 1941. Or on April 20, 1995 after the Oklahoma City bombing. America is going to be hit again some time in the future. If we're lucky, that hit will be another sixty years down the road. Should we maintain a constant state of vigilance until that unforseen day? Well.... in a perfect world, yes. But if it were a perfect world, there wouldn't be attacks. The point is, that living like something bad might happen is a stupid way to live. They take normal people who feel like everything they do might kill them and commit them. Unless there is a specific warning about a specific date and specific way of an attack, everything that the FBI, CIA, and White House hears is not worth it to report.

I don't think this will last too long. I remember after the Colombine Shooting, every minor report in every school across the nation was cause for evacuation, bomb squad, and arrests. But after a few years, nothing big happened and things calmed down. This is just the government covering their ass.... just in case. The democrats are attacking the republicans, the republicans are attacking the democrats, and the media isn't just fueling this fire, but roasting marshmellows on it as well. Smores anyone?

Megan graduated last Saturday. And Chloe the night before. Such truely boring things. I hated mine. The bore of watching close to three hundred people walk across a stage when you really only care about one of them, maybe two or three. And the endless line of speeches, all of which are on the same damnable topic. And no one seems to come up with anything new. Not at the graduations themselves, in any case.

There are a few standard lies at any commencement ceremony. They'll try to tell you that you have reached a cross roads, and that you should either take the road less traveled by, or find your own path, or something. But not once have I come to a crossroads in my life. It'd be great if the world were so easy as that. That all you had to do was come to the cross roads and take the correct path. The real world isn't a road, though. It's a forest, or a wide open plain. No street signs, in any case.
Or perhaps the speaker will tell you that you've just stepped onto the first rung of a ladder. This one is also crap. First of all, not all ladders go up. Get onto the first rung of the wrong ladder and you'll end up six feet under. But even besides that.... by the time you reach almost every commencement in your life you've already got a good start on this ladder, up or down. Graduation doesn't change you, it's the four years before graduation that make the change, so there is no "first rung of the ladder" crap.
Then there is always the phrase about entering the real world. ..... yeah, I'm not even going to dignify this one.

This is all I tell people anymore. College is the best chance you'll ever have to re-make yourself into who you want to be for the rest of your life. Your family isn't there to hold up their expectations, your old friends aren't there to make you into mirrors of them.... You have a chance to be exactly who you've always wanted to be.

I tried to use this material in a toast to my sister, but I had the misfortune of speaking after my Uncle. Anyone who tries to say anything after him ends up tripping on their own tounge. Never have I met anyone who could say so much so well with so few words. The embodiment of eloquence. Maybe, just maybe, though.... she'll turn out alright.

Congrats, Squirt (and all the Class of 2002)

"I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all. It streches on forever like an ocean of time. For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp watching falling stars. And yellow leaves from the maple trees that lined our street. Or my Grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper. And the first time I say my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird. And Janie.... And Janie. And Caroline.
I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing all of it at once, and it's too much. My heart fills up like a ballon that's about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold onto it. And then it flows through me like rain. And I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.
You have no idea what I'm talking aobut, I'm sure. But don't worry..... You will some day."
-Kevin Spacey, American Beauty

What would you see if you died right now, what would you feel? How would you reflect on the world. What would you dwell on if you had "an ocean of time" to enjoy your life thus far. Would you be mad that you died? If you were, what good would it do you? Is this heaven? Is it hell?

Maybe if you are content with your life - I mean morally, happily, and in all honesty content - then you will remember your life as a heaven. Maybe if you bent more rules than you were comfortable with, you will remeber something less pleasant.

For me, it would be watching thunderstorms with Dad. Staring at the sunrise over the moutains in Virginia with Ryan. Or sitting on the beach our last night in Cancun. And hugging Molly before we took her to be put to sleep.... I think I would be happy if it were already over.

I remember my first semester at UGA. My last final was on a Friday; Organismal Biology. I walked to the final, sat down, took it. Some of the answers I knew, some I did not. But somehow it didn't matter. It wasn't my characteristic apathy, something more liberating. As if I was watching myself take the test from afar. I walked out of the final early. I'm not sure if I walked or ran out of the building, but I felt like both. When I had gone in, quite literlly, the sky was grey and overcast. As I walked out it was blue. Makes for a good setting for a story, right? I can remember thinking how cheesy it was in Jerry Maguire when he is driving and singing Tom Petty. But I still sang Free Falling all the way back to the dorms. I felt it.

I feel the same way now. Even though I still have a final left; it isn't until next Tuesday. I walked out of my German final today and felt like a weight had been lifted. We went and played Ultimate Frisbee on North Campus. I drove to pick up Liz from work and we went to the Dining Hall and then to see her apartment for next year. I am going home tomarrow and going to Music Midtown. I don't care that there is still a final, maybe my biggest one, ahead. I feel like such the archetypal college student. I can't think about Plato or Kant or any such Ethics Philosophers. All I can plan for is the concert. The baseball game on Sunday. The Banquet that night. And the Bonfire party on Tuesday.

I feel like dancing and singing and drinking without getting drunk. Like watching the stars come out tonight and then disappear in the morning. I can almost see the protective bubble that I'm living in. It's keeping all of the bad things out and letting me live with my euphoria for a few precious days. Letting me exhaust every last ounce of energy I have. I'm running off of a draining weekend and a near sleepless week, but I'm not planning or hoping to catch up until the middle of next week. I want to be drunk on spiritual wine and high from the pollen of trees. I may live to regret this... But only once my bubble pops.